A Letter to an Obsessive Dessert Pizza Maker

Chocolate Pizza

Dear Jamie,

Please read this email and please read it well. I took the kids with me- away from home and away from you. We have sat on our problems long enough, and I think this is the only way for us to save our marriage and our family. We can no longer compete with your obsession. We love you very, very much, or at least the person you used to be. I truly hope that you understand, but Jamie: you need to stop making chocolate pizzas.

Sometimes I blame myself for not just ordering takeout that night. I remember the first time you served us this recipe, when I failed to see that it also wouldn’t be the last time. Then and there I should have known—you had the same look in your eyes as the day you got accepted at the firm. This may be your way of coping with the layoff, and I understand. But as your better half, I should have done something to snap you out of it. We probably won’t be here had I just done something. Anything.

But I didn’t, and I have to live with the fact that I am no longer able to fix you. You need to be the one to deal with this, and we hope you do soon.

I feel like I need to tell you this since no one else will: a chocolate pizzeria will never work. There is only so much you can do, and I think deep down you know that too. I wanted to start the healing process by getting rid of most of your equipment. I already contacted the folks from metropolitan-gourmet.com. They will arrive tomorrow at noon to retrieve all but one box of the pizza dough you ordered. I hope that you’ll allow them to do their job, and that you’ll get back to me without opening the final box.

If you do end up making more pizzas, or if you do prevent the other boxes from being returned, then I’m afraid that I’d have to call for professional help. I am always here if you need someone to talk to, but you can’t speak to the kids until this is sorted out. I hope that this motivates you. Our families also want you to get better, and the only way to do that is if you accept our help.

You’ll see that I left two books on the kitchen table; one is a self-help book and the other is a cookbook. I hope that you read them both. Also, a co-worker of mine recommended that you follow these four steps in overcoming obsession. Please take them to heart and use this time alone to reflect on us. I see that you developed a passion for cooking, and I support you all the way, it’s just that you limiting yourself to one recipe is doing more harm than good.

Remember that we love you, and that no amount of dessert pizza will ever change that.

Sincerely Yours,


P.S. Please clean the oven while we’re away. Thanks.